Roman Goes to Kindergarten
by emodinosaurX3
Summary: Little Roman Maxwell is the oddest boy in his class and his teacher is concerned why. It's not every year you get a neck-biting, blood-drinking, goth-dressed kid in your class.  ONE-SHOT


Emily Maxwell walked her son, Roman, into the brightly lit kindergarten classroom wearing dark shades to shield her eyes. The blinding light didn't affect little Roman's eyes, though. As it turned out Emily and Jagger had discovered that their son was born a half-vampire, so he was able to walk about during the day and out in the sun without being harmed, unlike his parents who were full vampires.

"Well, here we are, Ro-Ro," said Emily, followed by a huge yawn. Emily had to wake up much earlier than her usual to get Roman on time at his first day of kindergarten. She also had to avoid the sunlight, so she'd covered up by wearing purple and black striped stockings, a black t-shirt dress, followed by an Emily the Strange jacket with her hood (that bore red kitty ears) pulled over her head, and black lace-up combat boots. She stood out drastically in the brightly colored classroom, but she wasn't the only one. Roman hadn't followed the polo trend either. He was wearing a Misfits shirt underneath an unzipped Iron Maiden jacket, torn black jeans, and a pair of all-black Converse. He looked around the room, smiling widely in awe at his surroundings.

A young woman, perhaps more than a couple of years older than Emily, walked up to the ghoulish pair with a strained smile. Obviously their appearance was shocking to her. Even the children, who had been spread around the classroom playing learning games, had stopped their activities to gawk.

"Why, hello," she said. She was blonde, fair, and blue-eyed, dressed in a pastel pink blouse and tan capris.

"Hey. Are you the teacher?" asked Emily. Roman clutched Emily's hand tighter as he looked up at the creampuff lady.

"I sure am. Is this your brother?" the woman asked. Emily frowned. She'd been very young when she'd gotten pregnant with Roman, but she hated it when people asked if he was her brother rather than her kid. She didn't need to be reminded that she was too young to have a five-year-old child.

"He's my son," Emily said curtly. The teacher was taken aback and she blushed, obviously embarrassed by her mistake.

"Oh. I'm sorry. Your _son_. Well, he's darling," she said quickly, trying to recover. Emily rolled her eyes, since she knew the teacher wouldn't be able to see her do it through her dark lenses. The teacher knelt down to Roman's height, who widened his blue eyes and took a small step back. "Hello, sweetheart. I'm Miss Pinkerton." Emily stifled a giggle. Why was that name _not_ surprising. "What's your name?"

Roman refrained from speaking to Miss Pinkerton. Emily cupped the back of his head, combing her fingers through his shaggy black hair. "It's okay, love. Tell her what your name is."

Roman bit his bottom lip with his front teeth before speaking. "Roman," he said softly. Miss Pinkerton smiled widely, exposing a set of bright white teeth.

"Well, Roman, it's good to have you here. I'm going to make sure you have _oodles_ of fun here with your new friends."

_Oodles?_ Emily thought with disbelief. _Oh God. Hang in there, Roman._

The girl was totally Bailey Farson material. She was probably Queen Bee and captain of the cheerleading team back when she was in high school too.

"Would you like to join an activity? We won't start class until eight o'clock," Miss Pinkerton asked Roman, standing up straight. Roman looked up at his mother, who smiled encouragingly. Roman looked back at Miss Pinkerton and nodded. "Okay then. Why don't you join Freddy and Jared? They're playing with number blocks," she suggested, pointing to a pair of small boys on a rainbow carpet.

"I'm going to go over there, okay Mama?" Roman said, pointing to the boys. Emily chuckled and nodded.

"Okay baby. I'll be here."

"Come to me before you leave, okay?" Roman instructed. Miss Pinkerton smiled, clasping her hands.

"Okay, love. I will."

Finally, Roman untangled his fingers from Emily's and walked over cautiously to the pair of boys. One was a brunette and the other another blonde. As a matter of fact, the blonde looked like he could have been Brian Farson spawn, the way he dressed. Spiked hair, football jersey, Nikes … the makings of a jock. The brunette was in a red polo and Spiderman Velcro shoes, so not quite dressed like mini Brian.

The two boys looked up at Roman as he asked to play with them. They exchanged looks and then shrugged and agreed to invite him in. Emily smiled widely and hugged herself. Her baby boy had just made friends.

"Well, I guess there's no need for me to be here," said Emily as she began to draw her hood.

"Oh. So soon? Well if you insist —"

"What time does school let out?" asked Emily as she pulled her hood over her head.

"School gets out at three, but you can come in about five to seven minutes before the bell rings to pick Roman up," said Miss Pinkerton.

"Alright. Good to know, Miss Pinkerton," said Emily.

"Call me Kelly. And, you are —?"

"I'm Emily," she replied, shaking Miss Pinkerton's hand.

"Great. Well I suppose I should be expecting you around three!" said Miss Pinkerton. Emily nodded her head and then turned on her heel to say goodbye to Roman. She was happy to see him playing nicely with the other boys.

"Alright Ro-Ro. Mommy's going to get going, okay?" she said, kneeling down to his height.

"Is it true you're a vampire?" exclaimed one of the boys. Emily's eyes widened, but the boys couldn't see them behind her dark glasses. She glanced down at Roman before playing off coolly.

"Psh, I wish," Emily laughed. She knew if she even joked with the younger kids, they'd believe anything she'd say. "Roman I need to talk to you before I leave. Come with me for a second," she said.

"But the blocks —"

"Will still be there when you come back," Emily finished. She grasped Roman's hand and led him near the back and empty side of the classroom.

"Now Roman," she started, "you can't tell anyone about us being vampires, alright? Not even your being half-vampire."

"Why not?" he asked, cocking his head.

"Because it's not appropriate. Daddy and I don't want you getting kicked out of school already!" Roman's eyes widened and clapped his hands over his mouth.

"I'll be _kicked out_?" he gasped in a whisper. Emily nodded her head.

"Mmhmm. Oh yes. Wouldn't that be bad?"

"Very bad."

"Right. So no talk of vampires _period_. No changing into bats, no sucking blood, no nothing. Don't share your lunch with anybody either."

"What if somebody asks me to share?" asked Roman.

"Then just be like, 'no, you have your own!' Just kidding, don't say that, that's mean. Just tell them that you don't want to share. Everybody should have their own lunch and you have every right to tell the other kids no."

"Won't that be mean, though?"

"Of course not, love. And if the other kids give you a hard time, you can always tell Miss Pinkerton." Roman glanced back at his teacher. She was standing over a group of girls who were playing in the small play kitchen playing house.

"She's very pink," he said when he looked back at his mother. Emily chuckled.

"Tell me about it," she said. "Right, so give Mummy a kiss. I'm going to be heading off soon. I'll be here to pick you up around three, okay?" Roman nodded and wrapped his arms around Emily's neck. She embraced him in his own arms and kissed the top of his head. Roman pecked her cheek and let go. She stood up straight and stuffed her hands into her pockets.

"Go have fun, Roman. You can Daddy all about your first day of kindergarten tonight, okay?" Roman nodded quickly and galloped to his new friends, waving goodbye.

"Bye Mommy!" he exclaimed, and resumed playing with the number blocks. Miss Pinkerton looked up at Emily, smiled and waved goodbye, and looked back at Roman. Emily walked towards the front door, where she lingered for a bit, watching her half-vampire son. At least she didn't have to worry about his health. She'd filed out in the health papers that he was allergic to garlic when signing him up for kindergarten. He knew not to be around any mirrors when others were around, and to deliberately miss any pictures being taken. She knew that she had to keep him home while the kids were having their school pictures taken. There was a lot to be wary of by sending him to public school.

But hey, it beat home schooling him. She knew neither she nor Jagger would be able to do the job, so sending him to a professional institute would have been best.

After taking one last glance at Roman, she finally turned on her heel and walked out the door towards her black British Mini Cooper so she could drive home and get back to her coffin.

**xXx**

Miss Pinkerton noticed that as Roman became more social, he began acting, well, _strangely_. She recalled many times him pretending to be a _vampire_ by stalking around or widening his mouth around other children's jugulars. This particular act frightened the children, and even Miss Pinkerton herself.

Roman was losing friends and he was becoming the "freak" of the class. Miss Pinkerton didn't like being alone with him. She wondered if there was sort of mental disability he had. He _was _in kindergarten, but trying to bite other children's necks was still not normal.

_His mother is a bit strange as well. Her clothes are just so … so … not maternal._

It wasn't strange to see a goth woman, but a goth mother … that was different. Her hair was so teased, especially with all of those layers. And she wore dark sunglasses inside. Miss Pinkerton found that strange as well.

_I suppose strange runs in the family, but Roman's parents should really be informed about his _biting_ habits._

She even noticed that Roman's canines were pointier than his other teeth. Of course this was perfectly normal. After all, not all children had perfect teeth, and he was only five. But should those teeth get on any skin, that would be a problem.

She saw it best to have a parent-teacher meeting with Roman's parents. His disturbances needed to be stopped and his parents really needed to be informed about them. She couldn't keep letting his frighten her children.

She'd just written a note during lunchtime to send home with Roman for his parents when suddenly she heard a cry from one of the lunch tables. She immediately stood from her seat and rushed to her kindergartners' lunch table. Amanda Hinkle had her jaw dropped and was staring at Roman's Nightmare Before Christmas metal lunch box. Miss Pinkerton knitted her eyebrows together.

"Amanda, what is the problem?" she asked.

"Roman's … _sandwich_, Miss Pinkerton. It's disgusting,"

"Benjamin, that is _not_ nice!"

"It's true, Miss Pinkerton," said Natalie Shimizu. "Roman's sandwich is-is _soaked_ with _blood_!"

"Nuh-uh!" protested Roman, slamming his lunchbox shut and held it close to his chest. Miss Pinkerton's eyes widened and gulped. Goth clothing, "pretending" to bite jugulars, now bloody sandwiches? Miss Pinkerton took a deep breath before she lost it. What had Freddy Campbell said to Emily Maxwell on the first day of school?

"_Is it true you're a vampire?"_

Oh how ridiculous. Just because Emily _looked_ like a vampire didn't _make_ her one. The same went with Roman. Besides, vampires didn't exist. Vampires were myths. _They did not exist._

"Show Miss Pinkerton your sandwich, Roman," urged Benjamin, tugging on the handle of Roman's lunchbox.

"No!" squealed Roman, tugging it back. Benjamin almost fell off of his bench from the force of Roman's tug. Miss Pinkerton quickly held him up.

"Roman, may I please see your sandwich?" asked Miss Pinkerton. Roman hesitated and clutched the lunchbox tighter to his chest. Miss Pinkerton held out her hand. "Roman, please give me your lunchbox."

Tears formed at the edges of his bright blue eyes. He knew he wasn't supposed to sell out his secret. He didn't want to be kicked out of school. He didn't want to upset his parents. He reluctantly handed Miss Pinkerton his lunchbox.

"Thank you, Roman," she said and opened up the box. Immediately, all of Roman's classmates swarmed around their teacher to see what was inside. "All of you, back to your seats!" she scolded. They all rushed back to their seats before getting yelled at again. She clutched the lunchbox to her chest as Roman bowed his head, sniffling. "Roman, will you come with me back to the classroom?"

Roman wiped his nose on his Iron Maiden jacket and stood from his seat on the lunch bench, following Miss Pinkerton back to their classroom.

They sat down at one of the children's desk and Miss Pinkerton set the lunchbox in between them. Roman continued crying quietly as she opened his lunchbox. When she peered inside, she gasped and slid back instantly.

"Oh my … God …"

The sandwich had fallen apart and its contents were smeared all over the inside. What appeared to be a peanut butter and jelly sandwich turned out to be a peanut butter and _bloody_ sandwich.

"Roman, why on Earth would your mother put …" She covered her mouth to suppress a gag.

"It's not blood!" Roman exclaimed. "It's … it's … ketchup."

"_Ketchup?"_ cried Miss Pinkerton. "Your mother put _ketchup_ in your peanut butter and jelly sandwich?"

"I-I like … it … that way," Roman blubbered, still crying. Miss Pinkerton was taken aback and gave him such a baffled expression. She sighed heavily and got up to give him the note she had wrote for his parents.

"This is for your mom and dad. Give it to them tonight, okay? Can you do that, Roman?" she asked gently, sliding him the paper. He looked down at it and nodded.

"What does it say?" he asked, sniffling.

"It's just a note telling your parents that I want to have a private talk with them," she explained.

"Are you going to tell on me?" Miss Pinkerton widened her eyes.

"Tell on you for what?" she asked, surprised. She placed a hand on top of his. She almost withdrew it immediately because his skin was stone cold.

"Are you going to kick me out of the school?" he asked next.

"Roman, where on Earth are you getting these ideas?" she laughed. Roman widened his eyes and stopped crying.

"I'm not going to get kicked out?"

Miss Peterson laughed again. "No, you silly willy. But I will talk to your parents about your food. Ketchup and peanut butter, sweetie that's just not … _right_," she said. Roman bit his lip before saying something. He couldn't sell out their secret. His mother told him not to tell _anybody_ about his family of vampires. So he kept quiet and tucked the paper in his Joker backpack.

**xXx**

Emily and Jagger had just woken up by the time they were supposed to leave for Miss Pinkerton's parent conference meeting. Roman was still in his school clothes and his parents had to rush to get ready if they wanted to be just the slightest bit tardy. Jagger slipped into some torn black skinny jeans adorned with metal band patches and safety pins, a Slipknot tee, and pulled on his combat boots. Emily grabbed a black lacy babydoll dress and white stockings. She strapped on a pair of five-inch-high Mary Jane pumps and applied her dark thick make-up.

"Okay, lovey. Let's go," said Emily, reaching for Roman's hand. They bolted out the door, strapped Roman in his car seat in Emily's Mini, and raced off.

Miss Pinkerton had been waiting an extra fifteen minutes. She glanced many times at her pink Amanda leather Coach watch to see how late they were. At seven twenty, she finally saw a pair of figures walking towards her room. She stood up, smoothed out her pastel pink pencil skirt, and walked towards the door to greet the Maxwells. Her wide smile was soon faltered when Roman's family came into view.

She'd known his mother was a goth vampire fan, and she should have expected just as much from his father, especially since Roman dressed in black clothes everyday. What really surprised her was the fact that his hair was snow white with blood red-dyed ends and his eyes were two different colors: one the same blue as Roman's eye color, and the other a bright green.

"You must be Roman's father," Miss Pinkerton said, extending a pink-nailed hand. Jagger shook it with his black-nailed spidery-fingered one. Miss Pinkerton strained her smile even more.

"Jagger Maxwell, ma'am," Jagger introduced.

"Kelly Pinkerton," Miss Pinkerton replied. "Oh, Mrs. Maxwell. It's good to see you too." Emily smiled and nodded.

"Hello, Kelly."

Miss Pinkerton escorted the Maxwell family inside and they sat at a short round table near the back of the classroom. Jagger's long legs stuck out from the sides of the table.

"Thank you so much for coming on such short notice. I wasn't expecting you two to come so soon," Miss Pinkerton began, clasping her hands on the table. Roman took the chair next to his mother and kept himself busy with the scraps of paper and crayons he found in a tub placed in the center of the table.

"It's no problem, really," Emily said. "Any day would have been perfect."

"Just make the time in the evening. We're night owls," Jagger chuckled. Miss Pinkerton laughed and prayed that her nervous giggles weren't clear to the others.

_Night owls … or vampires?_ she thought, but then shook the idea away.

_There are no such things as vampires, Kelly! You are a teacher; you know facts!_

"So your note mentioned you wanted to discuss Roman's behavior in class," started Emily.

"Yes. Roman, would you mind letting me talk to your parents alone? You can take your coloring to the carpet, or you can play with the number blocks or with the kitchen," suggested Miss Pinkerton.

"Okay," Roman said and slid off his chair to run to the number blocks. Jagger chuckled briefly at the sight of his son playing and learning.

"Alright. Well, first off, I want to say that Roman is a very smart student. He's learning his numbers and words very quickly, and his spelling is impeccable. I've never seen a more brilliant child," said Miss Pinkerton.

"He gets that from me," said Jagger with a smirk, folding his arms behind his head. Emily narrowed her eyebrows and slapped him lightly on his chest with the back of her hand.

"Shut up," she said with an eye roll. Miss Pinkerton chuckled briefly, but was unsure whether Emily was joking or not.

"However, his behavior is … well, _strange_," she continued. Instantly, Jagger's smile left his face and Emily's eyes slightly widened. "It's nothing drastic!" she added quickly. "He is, after all, only five and it's quite common for children to act strangely. It's just that his behavior is frightening the other students."

"What's he doing?" asked Jagger.

Her voice dropped softly and she leaned in to the table so the others could hear her, not that they couldn't from where they were, but Miss Pinkerton didn't know that. "Well, he's been stalking around the classroom and has been pretending to bite other children on their jugular."

Emily winced and Jagger's mismatched eyes widened. Miss Pinkerton chewed on her lip before continuing.

"And today, well, the other children noticed during lunchtime that something was … _wrong_ with Roman's sandwich. They said it was … _bloody_." Both Emily and Jagger sighed heavily. "I pulled him inside to talk about it, but he confessed to it being ketchup. He said he liked _ketchup _and _peanut butter together_, but it's so unhealthy and _disgusting_. Do you make his sandwiches like that, Mrs. Maxwell?"

Miss Pinkerton seemed to miss the relief that spread across both Maxwells' faces when she said that Roman had told her it was ketchup, and that she believed it. They could think of nothing but praise for their little boy. Emily had to worry no more about him accidentally spilling their secret.

"Yes, he likes peanut butter and ketchup. And everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but is it a crime to like something so extraordinary?" asked Emily defensively. "He's a strange little guy, he gets _that_ from his dad." She pointed her thumb at Jagger, who rolled his eyes. "But he likes different foods. He's half Romanian, so he's growing up with different foods."

"Do they even _eat_ peanut butter and ketchup together in Romania?" she asked curiously.

"All the time," Jagger lied. "My mum used to make those sandwiches for me and my siblings all the time when we were kids."

Miss Pinkerton was in disbelief. She found it very strange that Roman's parents would encourage him to eat such a revolting food, but he had a foreign father. At least it wasn't blood he was eating. Better ketchup than _that_.

"And, about the biting —"

"He just needs to stop watching _Dracula _with his dad," Emily said. Miss Pinkerton widened her blue eyes.

"He's watching _Dracula_? Isn't that too inappropriate for a five-year-old?" she asked, shocked.

Jagger waved her off. "Nah. He loves it. He cheers whenever Dracula comes on screen and goes for the kill," he chuckled. Miss Pinkerton stared at him for a long time.

"Anyway, it'll be no more _Dracula_ for him, at least until the vampire stuff stops. I'll just sit him in front of Addams Family and he'll be content. Was that all you had for us, Kelly?" asked Emily.

"Y-yes. Thank you again for coming," Miss Pinkerton said as the Emily and Jagger stood up. She followed in suit with them, pushing in her little chair.

"Come on, babe, it's time to go. Clean up," Emily called to her son, who had been frying a plastic cereal box on the stove.

"Yum. Fried cereal. You should be a chef, R.J.," joked Jagger. Miss Pinkerton half-smiled.

"Roman, you know cereal does not go on the stove," she said and walked over to help him clean up. She picked up the cereal box.

"It's not cereal, Miss Pinkerton!" exclaimed Roman, holding a little plastic spatula. Miss Pinkerton looked at him strangely before looking inside the box and letting out a piercing scream. The box fell to the floor and out scurried a large, black spider. Roman scuffled after it, holding the spatula to the ground to scoop it up.

"Leave that thing alone, Roman!" cried Miss Pinkerton.

"Oh it's just a spider," said Emily calmly. Miss Pinkerton looked at her with disbelief.

"It's a black widow!" she cried. "It's poisonous! He could get bit!"

"Roman _loves_ spiders. He keeps bringing them inside and putting them in the old fish tank in his room," said Jagger.

"His name is Jeremy Twig. Would you like to pet him, Miss Pinkerton. He's really nice and won't bite you," said Roman, holding the black widow up to her. She screamed again and almost swatted his hand away. Instead, she stepped back away from him.

"Roman, get the spider away from her. She doesn't want to pet it. I'm sorry, Kelly. He thinks everybody shares his interest of spiders," Emily said with a chuckle.

"R-right. J-just g-get it out of h-here," Miss Pinkerton stuttered. Emily gently pushed Roman away from his frightened teacher while he cupped his new spider friend in his hands.

"Look how little he is, Daddy," Roman said, holding him up to Jagger. "He must be a baby."

"Uh-huh," said Jagger, showing enthusiasm in whatever his son was saying.

"We'll see you tomorrow, Miss Pinkerton," Emily said as she led her family towards the door.

"Bye Miss Pinkerton! I'm going to bring Jeremy Twig tomorrow for show and tell!" exclaimed Roman, holding up his spider. One look at it and Miss Pinkerton yelped and cowered in her corner. Jagger waved goodbye and they were out of the door.

"I've got my very own Wednesday Addams in boy form!" muttered Miss Pinkerton as she shook with fright from the spider.

"Boy, she sure is jumpy when it comes to spiders," Jagger said when they were in the car driving home.

"If you drop that spider in this car, you'll never find him," Emily warned. "Keep him in your hands."

"Okay, Mommy," Roman replied, entranced by his spider friend.

"Here, you can put Jeremy Twig in this cup," Jagger suggested, taking the empty, tall, plastic cup and taking the lid off of it. He reached over to the backseat where Roman sat and scooped the spider inside it. He topped the cup with the lid again and poked holes with his fingers for air.

"There you go, bud," he said and handed Roman the spider cup. He smiled widely and looked through one of the holes.

"Thanks Daddy! I can't wait to show the others their new friend. I hope nobody eats Jeremy Twig, or I hope Jeremy Twig doesn't eat nobody else. Just like how Tina Blood ate Emily Junior," Roman reminded.

"And yet the spider named after me just _had_ to be the shark bait," grumbled Emily.

"You mean, _spider_ bait, Mommy. They weren't sharks."

Jagger and Emily exchanged looks and laughed.

"Right. Sorry, sweetie."

"So Roman, you've got to stop trying to bite the other kids. You're scaring them," Jagger said on a more stern note.

"I thought they would want to play Dracula with me," pouted Roman.

"No sweetie. The other kids don't watch _Dracula_, like you. They're not mature enough for it." Emily turned her head to wink at him.

"Mature? What's that mean?"

"It means that you're grown up enough to watch movies like _Dracula_," explained Jagger. "Anyway, no more biting. And be more discreet about your food, too. Well, that's probably your mommy's fault." Emily narrowed her eyebrows and stuck her tongue out at him.

"Discreet?" Roman asked.

"It means more secret, like a spy," explained Emily.

"You want me to be a spy?"

"The best spy around. One who hides bloody sandwiches," Jagger said with a grin. He, Emily, and Roman broke into a joyous laughter, just like any perfectly normal goth vampire family would.


End file.
